I hate Marian Seldes.

There. I said it. Out loud. In public.

I hate Marian Seldes.

I don't mean I hate her personally. I hate her acting. She is mannered. Her work is unimaginative. She's funny looking, with feet like a stork. She's unpleasant to watch, her performances are so smug and condescending, and well, mannered and self-important.

Why do I care?

Because everyone LOVES Marian Seldes. Just the mere mention of her name draws hushed reverence as people bow their heads while whispering "I LOVE Marian Seldes" like a "Hail Mary." It is simply remarkable to see. And it's never based on a particular performance. It's based on her legend, the lore that has developed around her. The aura of the stage celebrity is fundamentally different from the film celebrity in one peculiar respect: the stage celebrity doesn't necessarily depend on the financial success of their work as much as the glowing reviews which keep them working from one show to the next. And these glowing reviews, over the fullness of time and depending on how well they are cultivated by the stage actor, have a cumulative effect of bestowing a perpetual shield against negative criticism. They become Living National Treasures, their future is secure, pensioned by loving public approval.

And so, Marian Seldes, the grandest dame of the theater today, has risen to the highest level of professional accomplishment, and yet she is simply a hack.

And it's not really her fault. She's doing what she was taught, or what she believed she was taught. Yes, Marian has a certain charm and magnetism which people seem to find irresistible. The trouble is charm and magnetism are the raw materials which give actors a natural advantage, but it never should be confused for talent or skill. Marian poses and recites her lines like a pretentious society matron in a community theater production of "Our Town". There is no inner life in her work. Just the gaudy veil of self-conscious conceit. Watching Marian Seldes perform is like having someone wink at you at every moment. You don't watch a person living in a place at a time, you watch a "Great Actress" in a "Great Performance" crafted with hoary clichés. She's a ham bone. There isn't one real moment in her work.

Then what makes me right and everyone else so wrong? What gives me the credibility to point out that the Emperor has no clothes? She must be a great actress if she's so highly revered. Right?

Wrong.

To be continued...